One Hour
by cosima-maslany
Summary: One-shot. Infinity-verse: Brittany finally opens up about the school shooting and how long the hour she spent inside the bathroom felt.


_**A/N: **Dear family, I'd promised myself that I would never ever go back to this moment because if I could barely watch it, writing about it would be excruciating. And it was lol but I felt like canon was missing something and I couldn't live with my writing self in full peace knowing this was lacking inside the show. So if you want to avoid the shooting episode at all costs, don't read this. If not, thank you for reading this._

_PS: This one shot happens during the canon timeline between episode 603 and 606._

_Love_

_-S_

* * *

Santana sighed and scratched the back of her neck when the commercial break started. She looked down to her lap where Brittany still lay sleeping peacefully. That was the second night in a row Brittany had fallen asleep in her lap on the couch and even though Santana didn't mind the silent company, she wished Brittany was sleeping in the bed. But she knew her fiancée would rather have a sore neck than fall asleep without her in bed. And Santana was thankful for that.

With all the touring and long vacations, Santana fell so behind on her Rizzoli and Isles that she spent the last few days trying to get back on track. That and because Mercedes almost burned down the house when she saw the amount of episodes pilling up on her DVR. Santana couldn't really blame her for that, it was her DVR after all. But a woman needs her TV shows and Santana was determined to finish the final episodes and clean the DVR as soon as possible.

Brushing her hand through Brittany's hair, Santana couldn't help but smile. It was during moments like this that she could fully lay back and appreciate what they had. She loved Brittany more than anything but sometimes the world was too loud and she couldn't hear that love. When they were together, in silence, she could hear it loud and clear. And she could feel it too, traveling between their bodies.

Once when she told Brittany that she could feel their traveling love in such a powerful way, Brittany's eyes lit up with the possibility of explaining it in her mathematical ways. And she did, even though Santana got lost right at the start. But she couldn't help feeling even more in love as Brittany kept trying to explain their connection.

The episode started and she felt Brittany turning to the right in her lap, her face now buried against Santana's stomach. She smiled coyly and placed her hand on Brittany's upper arm, stroking it softly. On another occasion, Santana would've noticed that Brittany curled up and furrowed her brow in her sleep. If she wasn't so focused on the show, Santana would've noticed the small whine that came out of Brittany's mouth and the way her hand moved to hug her knees against her chest. If Santana's mind hadn't been so caught up in plots and fictional crimes, she would've noticed the sweat that started to form on Brittany's furrowed brow and the tear that dropped from her right eye. Suddenly, the sound of gun shots echoed in the living room and Santana fumbled to look for the remote but it was too late.

"Santana!" Brittany yelled and jumped from her fiancée's lap, landing further down the couch.

"Shit, Britt, I'm sorry!" Santana apologized sincerely and pressed pause when she found the remote. "I didn't think it was this loud, I'm so sorry."

Brittany's breathing was erratic and she gripped at her hoodie. Her heart was beating too fast and she felt lightheaded. That nightmare felt too real. Maybe she should've taken Santana's advice and gone to their bedroom after all because her nightmare was very likely influenced by what was on the TV. But she couldn't shake it off her system.

"Britt?" Santana called softly and placed a hand on Brittany's shoulder. "Are you okay?"

"I- Uh, yea. Just... Just a nightmare." Brittany replied, trying to calm down her heart by taking deep breathes.

"It's never just a nightmare with you, babe..." Santana bit the inside of her cheek in concern. Judging by her bubbly and over-all happy outside, no one would believe her if she said Brittany's nightmares were often dark and twisted. Like a really bad horror movie that you just can't forget no matter how hard you try.

"I know..." Brittany sighed and tears started to stream down her deep blue eyes, slowly and silently. She placed a hand on top of Santana's on her shoulder and squeezed it. "You know that... That day I made you promise we'd never talk about?"

"Britt, I..."

"I know, honey..." Brittany swallowed and turned around. "I know you'd never force me to talk about it but..." She sniffed but Santana's hands were fast enough to cup her cheeks and catch the tears. Brittany pursed her lips and looked up into brown eyes. "I'm ready. I.. I want to talk about it now."

"Are you sure?" Santana asked, tears filling her eyes too just thinking about the conversation they were about to get themselves into.

"Yea..."

"Okay..." Santana whispered and pressed her lips to Brittany's forehead, giving her a small kiss before getting up and turning off the TV.

"You didn't have to do that, Santana." Brittany sniffed and cleaned her cheek with her sleeve. "Mercedes is going to kick you tomorrow."

"Do you think I give a shit about that when my fiancée needs me?" Santana raised her eye brow and walked back to the couch to help Brittany up. "Don't get me wrong, you know how much I love my Rizzles and how much I hate Mercedes's meltdowns but... You're far more important."

Brittany half smiled. "I love you."

"I love you too." Santana replied and pecked her lips. "Lets go."

* * *

Santana turned around for the fifth time in their bed… well actually it was Mercedes's guest room bed. If it was their bedroom, Santana was sure the mattress wouldn't be this stiff. She was immensely glad and thankful that Mercedes allowed them to stay in her house while they were trying to find an apartment of their own. But after a week of sleeping on top of something that felt like a block of bricks, Santana was making the biggest effort of her life not to burn the damn thing.

If that stiffness wasn't enough, Santana was starting to get anxious. She knew about Brittany's habit to take a shower before going to bed but that usually took 5 minutes, tops. So when Brittany said she was just going to shower, Santana smiled and hopped into bed, thinking that maybe she just wanted to relax a little bit before their talk. But 5 minutes went by and there was no sign of Brittany. She figured she must have just been taking unusually longer, but then 10 minutes went by and still nothing, though the water was still running.

"Britt?" Santana called and rested on her elbows. She waited but no one replied. "Brittany?" Again, nothing. She looked at her phone and 15 minutes had gone by. That was too much and Santana worried that something was terribly wrong. She got up and rushed to the bathroom door, opening it slowly. "Babe?"

Her heart dropped to the floor when she heard Brittany sniff from behind the curtain. Biting the inside of her cheek to stop a cry, Santana swallowed harshly and pushed the curtain. "Britt!" She gasped when she saw her Brittany sitting down in the tub, holding her knees to her chest and sobbing. Without thinking twice, Santana turned off the water, picked Brittany's towel from the top of the toilet seat and jumped inside the tub. She kneeled in front of Brittany and threw the towel around her shoulders, and hugged her.

"I'm s-s-so sorry, San-Santana..." Brittany cried out against Santana's shoulder, shivering from the stress of her nightmare and the memories it brought along.

"Shhh Brittany, it's okay, I'm here. It's okay." Santana tried and rubbed Brittany's back, trying to keep her warm. She moved back and kissed Brittany's forehead. "I'm here."

"I tho-thought I could just sh-shower but I-I couldn't get up. A-and I didn't want wo-worry you." Brittany sobbed but didn't look up.

"I've been worried since you woke up screaming my name..." Santana bit her lip and touched below Brittany's chin. "Hey.." She murmured and waited until Brittany looked up, her blue eyes surrounded by a sea of red. "I love you, so much."

"I love you too." Brittany cried and before she could look down again, she crashed her lips against Santana's. "I love you too..." She repeated and rested her forehead on top of Santana's. "I love you too..."

Santana felt her heart shrink three sizes inside her chest. It was painful to see Brittany cry but it was beyond heartbreaking seeing her break like this. If she could, Santana would take her pain. All of it. She thought of this every single time Brittany was hurting but she couldn't avoid it. If she had one super power, just one, it would be to take Brittany's pain away. She would just touch her or kiss her or something and everything would be better.

But no matter how much she wished for it, the super power never came. Santana always had to fill herself with courage and strength to hold Brittany. The same courage and strength Brittany always had when things were the other way around. Actually, no. Brittany always managed to be the stronger one, she always knew how to take care of Santana's wounds. But Santana had to try the best she could to do the same. In her mind, she would never be as strong as Brittany but she wanted to be. She wanted to be strong so bad that sometimes she believed it.

"I know you do." Santana pressed a kiss on Brittany's forehead and got up, her sweatpants now soaking wet. "Let's get you into something warm, babe."

"Y-Your pants..." Brittany hiccuped and Santana helped her get up, both stepping out of the tub together.

"You want them?" Santana joked and moved to the small cabinet to get another towel for Brittany's hair.

"N-no, silly... Th-they're all w-wet."

"Brittany..." Santana eyed her with a smirk on her face.

"Th-that's not w-what I meant!" Brittany laughed and shook her head bashfully.

"It could've been..." Santana smiled at the laugh she managed to steal from Brittany and started to dry her fiancée's hair.

* * *

"Santana..." Brittany sighed, smiling as she sat up in their bed when she saw Santana enter the bedroom. "You didn't have to."

"Oh, okay then, I'll just go downstairs and put the ice-cream in the fridge again; then knock on Mercedes door and give her these amazing hot cocoas since I didn't have to do..." Santana teased by the door.

"Just get in here." Brittany bit her lip and tapped the bed beside her. Santana smiled and closed the door with her feet, trying to keep the tray steady in her hands. She placed it on her bedside table and took her side on the bed.

"Hot or cold?" She asked and Brittany looked over her to the tray, tapping her fingers against her lips.

"Hot first..."Brittany finally replied and Santana handed her one cup of hot cocoa, with extra marshmallows on top as per usual. She held it with one hand and placed the other on top of Santana's thigh. "Thank you. For being the most awesome girlfriend- I mean, fiancée." She added with a smile and kissed Santana's cheek softly.

"You know I'd do anything for you, Britt." Santana reassured her with a smile and picked up her own cup of cocoa. "So..."

"So..." Brittany repeated and both took a sip of their own drinks. Santana trying to drink courage and Brittany trying to find the right words to say.

"It's okay if you don't want to talk about it, you know that..."

"No, no. I want to. I want us to get married with no strings attaching us to stuff in the past. Like, a new equation that comes from an old unsolved one."

"Okay..." Santana agreed and put her cup aside, turning around to fully face Brittany. "I'm here."

"Okay..." Brittany bit her lip and mimicked Santana's actions, placing her cup on her own bedside table. "I've wanted to tell you about this for such a long time... Actually, ever since it happened. But I don't know how or why, I just couldn't. No matter how hard I tried to tell you. And it got kind of worse when I got into MIT because I thought that maybe if I could find a mathematical way to tell you everything or to explain why I couldn't, my blocking would go away. But it didn't..."

Santana listened carefully and smiled to herself, thinking about Brittany trying to understand herself with math and equations. Even if the motive for that attempt of self-discovery wasn't the best, at all, Santana still felt her heart beat a little fast about it. Because Brittany kept trying to find ways to connect with her even when they were broken up and each doing their own thing, in their own places.

"I don't know why or how but somehow your show influenced my dreams." Brittany half smiled and reached forward to hold Santana's hands. "Scratch that, everything about you influences my dreams."

"Britt..." Santana said coyly and pecked Brittany's lips. "You influence my dreams too."

"I know..." Brittany smiled and looked down at their hands. "Anyway... Maybe I wasn't sleeping as deep as I should but the gunshots brought back the memories and... Well, I woke up screaming your name." Santana furrowed her brow and braced herself for what was yet to come.

"It was Glee club time but I don't remember why exactly, I just felt like I had to go to the bathroom. I didn't even need to pee that bad or anything. I just... felt like it. So, I left my backpack in the choir room and went to the bathroom. And then... two gun shots echoed. And Santana... I was so scared..." Brittany's voice started to crack and Santana felt her eyes get filled with tears again. She dropped Brittany's hands and hugged her as tight as she could until Brittany stopped repeating the words _so scared._

"I hated that rule that we had to use our Cheerios outfits all the time... Hated it..." Santana whispered and kissed Brittany's temple. "If they only had pockets..."

"I actually had my jacket on so... I could have had my phone in my pocket but... We weren't talking at that time, Santana. And I had no one else to text me since Sam was at school with me and everyone else... I just left it there..." Brittany bit her upper lip and looked away, the memories floating back to her.

"I'm so sorry..." Santana replied, a tear falling down from her sad eyes. "I shouldn't have stopped talking to you, not like that. We're best friends, since forever. We should've kept talking but..."

"Shhh, I know. And for all its worth, I think resuming our talks to the weekly phone call that fit both our schedules was the best decision we could've made..." Brittany replied softly and held Santana's hands again. "Don't beat yourself up over this again, Santana. Look at us. Look at how far we've come. We're starting a family, you and I. Just..."

"I love you, Britt."

"Exactly." Brittany smiled with the way Santana spoke exactly what she was thinking. "I love you too."

"That's all that matters right?" Santana asked shyly and Brittany nodded, her eyes sparkling with love. "Good."

"Where was I?" Brittany swallowed and gave Santana's hands a gentle squeeze.

"You went to the bathroom and you heard two gunshots..." Santana bit her lip, trying to hold back the tears and ignore the lump in her throat.

"Yea..." Brittany looked down at their hands and saw the way Santana was rubbing her thumb against Brittany's engagement ring. "Remember that documentary we saw once? About school shootings? Well... You probably fell asleep didn't you?"

"I did. But you told me everything the day after." Santana smiled and looked deep into Brittany's blue eyes. "You stood on top of the toilet seat right?"

"Mhmm..." Brittany nodded. "I felt like I was spider-man for about 5 seconds before I realized the full extent of what was going on and that's when everything hit me all at once..."

"Everything?"

"Yes... Our break-up, that fake wedding with Sam, the whole asteroid thing, everything..." Brittany noticed the change in Santana's expression when she mentioned her fake wedding with Sam. Even though Santana knew because they talked about it, Brittany could still see the Snix fumes coming out her ears whenever it was mentioned. "Don't give me that look, Santana... We both made mistakes during those awful months..."

"You're right but... Ugh, to think that you two fake married because you thought the world was ending is just..."

"Santana, do you know how long is one hour?" Brittany asked, not trying to run from the question but trying to find a way to explain it once and for all.

"60 minutes?"

Brittany nodded, "One hour is 60 minutes, 3600 seconds, and there's three other measures below seconds that I know I don't have to mention because the point is... of all those minutes and seconds, I spent 90% of them thinking about one person and one person alone. You."

"Britt..." Santana felt her eyes become filled with more tears than before.

"All I could think about was how I shouldn't have let you go, how I should've refused to break up and showed you that we could work things out. But then I'd start thinking about how what we did was the best for both of us. How you had to go around your side of the world and do your thing and learn your lessons. And how I had to go around my side of the world and do my thing and learn my lessons." Brittany saw Santana look down and she knew Santana was about to cry, but she had to say everything now before her trauma would stop her again. She reached forward and hugged Santana as tight as she could, only speaking again when Santana hugged her back.

"One hour, 60 minutes and 3600 seconds, and all I could think about was you, Santana. Whenever I started to get scared again, I'd focus on the warmth of your arms around me or try to laugh at your vicious words. I played and created a thousand different scenarios in my head about all the ways and insults you must've thrown at Sam when you two had a duet before you left for New York. And yes, I saw it..." Brittany added before Santana could pull back from the hug.

"One hour, 60 minutes and 3600 seconds of you, Santana. And it wasn't enough. It was never enough. And I don't know how or when during that time, but somewhere in the middle I stopped fearing for myself. I stopped thinking what would happen if I died there. But I started to think what if..." Brittany's voice cracked and Santana dug her nails in her back. "What would be of you without me."

"Brittany please..." Santana whispered and Brittany was sure she was begging her to never think or dare to question that again. Brittany pulled back and held Santana's face in her hands, tears filling her caramel cheeks.

"You'd be so broken, Santana... I know it... Because I thought what would happen if it was the other way around and I know for sure... That my heart would never beat the same way again. I'd run this world looking for someone like you but there isn't anyone like you, Santana." Brittany smashed her lips against Santana's for a quick, tear filled kiss and rested her forehead on Santana's after. "In one hour, 60 minutes and 3600 seconds, I loved you more than I ever loved anyone else in this world, Santana. Thinking about you kept me breathing, kept my heart warm and beating. You kept me alive, Santana. The thought of you, the hope that one day I'd have you again, just... You kept me alive in that bathroom."

"I love you so much..." Santana's voice was broken and tears kept rushing down her face and falling between their bodies.

"I love you too..." Brittany replied and pressed a kiss on Santana's forehead. "And then it hit me. Something I'd never thought about before... I kept you alive too when you were inside your own bathroom, didn't I? When you were too afraid of the talks and the looks, when we'd have to meet in secret and hold hands under a napkin... That was your bathroom right?"

"I guess.." Santana whispered and looked up in Brittany's eyes. They were sad but Brittany was smiling. "I mean, yes... That was _my bathroom."_

"I know... And it lasted one hour, 60 minutes and 3600 seconds too. Because... The time I spent there felt like an eternity. And so did yours." Brittany lifted one hand to clean her face and used her other sleeve to clean Santana's. "But we keep each other alive. We keep each other warm, and hopeful. And now you're probably wondering why I didn't search for you right after that. Even if you're not, I'll tell you. I didn't because... After Mr. Shue found me and I got to the choir room where everyone was crying... Sam rushed to hug me and everyone else too but I realized that my bathroom wasn't over yet. My heart was still aching from not having you around and I tried to fill the void with Sam. My mind was still all over the place with equations I didn't know how to solve. I wasn't ready to be with you. Just like you hadn't been ready to be with me before..."

"It's funny..." Brittany kept going and Santana tilted her head, reaching for Brittany's hands and lacing their fingers. "It's funny how events can change us like this. How one hour can be so long for some of us and so small for others. How we both got stuck in that bathroom, too afraid to come out and die without each other. How when someone pushed us out, we didn't reach for each other right away but we knew that we'd be there, always... How the only way we're truly happy outside of that cubicle, is by being in each other's arms, safe from any harm."

"I should've called you right away, I should've at least texted you. But I wasn't ready. I needed time to control my tornado. Just like you needed time to control your own tsunami once." Brittany smiled and Santana did the same after taking a deep sharp breath. "And you were so patient with me. Even if sometimes that _patience _was masked by your own belief that you weren't worthy of having me. Because you are, Santana Lopez. You're the only person in this Universe whose heart is worthy of mine. And I know in my heart that I'm the key and the guardian to your giant generous heart too. And look... We're out of our bathrooms, Santana, we're free. But we're free together. Just the way it should be."

"Just when I think I couldn't love you more, turns out that I can..." Santana laughed and hugged Brittany once more. "But now... I feel like I should tell you my side of the story, I mean, it's only fair, right?"

"Please do." Brittany replied with a nod and curious eyes.

"You know that the loft didn't have walls so we could pretty much listen to every conversation, even if we didn't want to. And..." Santana bit her lower lip and shook her head. "I was in the bathroom when I heard someone drop and break something, probably Yentl with her dwarf hands... And after that Kurt started to yell on the phone with Blaine about how he was going to Lima even if he marched there and Rachel kept trying to calm him down and then he spilled it. He yelled at Rachel that there had been a shooting scare in McKinley and everyone was okay but a shooting is a shooting..."

Brittany pursed her lips, remembering that phone call and how Blaine kept asking Kurt to slow down, saying everyone was okay. She would be lying if she said she didn't think about calling or texting Santana too but... she was frozen, she couldn't do anything with herself at that moment and alarming Santana would just make everything worse.

"I picked my phone up and there were no texts, no phone calls, no nothing. And... I thought about getting mad at you for not calling me, trust me, I did. I thought about going all the way to Lima just to smack someone and ask you why but then I realized that... This wasn't a matter of you dating Lady Lips or you forgetting our weekly phone call. This was... Something really bad and traumatic and if I were you, I'd..."

"Shut down."

"Exactly..." Santana nodded, smiling at how Brittany knew her so well but sad about all the rest. "So I did the best thing I could do. I'd leave the house whenever they decided to talk about it and just go for a walk or something. But before all that, and before even leaving the bathroom, I called my mom and I asked her to see if she could find out if you were okay..."

"Santana..." Brittany said with a pout.

"I should've asked you directly but I didn't want to force you to talk about it and we'd agreed that our families were safe space. So calling my mom to find out about you was the second best thing I could do. Because I needed to be sure that you were okay. I needed someone I can trust wholeheartedly to tell me that you were fine, not a scratch. I couldn't count on those idiots to tell me anything about you because when did they ever care? Truthfully, when?" Santana looked away and scratched the back of her neck. "My mom called me back during the night and I assumed she either talked to you or your mother."

"Wait, you called your mom to check on me in the day?" Brittany asked with a raised eyebrow and Santana nodded. "So that's who mom was speaking on the phone. I heard her say something like she's okay, you don't have to worry but if I see anything suspicious I'll call you right away. I thought she was talking to grandma but I couldn't figure out why she'd call her if she saw something suspicious..."

"Britt, I'm so glad you're a math genius because you'd be a terrible detective..." Santana joked and Brittany pinched her arm playfully with a smile. "I'm kidding, I'm kidding. It was my mom, yes. And we kept calling each other for at least a couple weeks or else I wouldn't be able to sleep..."

"Well now the phone calls mom always had at dinner during that time make perfect sense..."

"Sorry I had to go around to get to you but... I didn't want to push you to talk about something like this and I physically needed to know you were okay since all you'd tell me over our phone calls was how Tubbs had sent hate emails to Sam or how you were waiting for a baby Tubbs." Santana scrunched her face and gently squeezed Brittany's hands. "I wasn't mad at you for not telling me, but I have to admit that hearing about it like this made me feel so... powerless. And that hurts."

"I can imagine how you felt, Santana but... I didn't know how to reach you about this.. And you saw tonight that it still affects me somehow. If I'd known how to talk about this sooner, I would've, right away. But I didn't... And honestly? Talking to you like everything was fine and normal when all we talked about in school was that shooting was amazing, a loaf of fresh air. You were my safe place, like you always are." Brittany reassured and lifted one hand to stroke Santana's cheek.

"And you're mine." Santana smiled and reached forward to kiss Brittany's lips, twice.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you before and that you felt powerless..."

"Well, and I'm sorry I didn't call you right away to tell you how much I love you..."

Both women looked at each other lovingly and smiled, knowing that both were forgiven. Santana held Brittany's face in her hands and spread kisses all over it, whispering a thousand _I love you's _whenever her lips weren't connected to Brittany's skin. And Brittany couldn't do anything but smile bashfully at her fiancée's love declaration. When she finally stopped, Brittany pushed her down against their pillows and kissed Santana until they were both out of breath.

"I love you too." Brittany finally replied, laying on top of Santana while they were both catching their breath. "Until infinity." She added and Santana cupped her cheeks to kiss her once again.

"Until infinity." Santana nodded. "Thank you, for telling me everything..."

"That's what we do right?" Brittany said with a bright smile and kissed Santana's forehead. "Thank you for being here."

"Always."

"So…Ice-cream?"

"Please!"


End file.
